Interlude ❦ Give thanks to those who give

Interlude

Recently, in real time (2012) I had the privilege to travel to Ghana to work with the staff at Street Girls Aid, a non-profit oorganization working with street children. You can read about some of the lessons learned at www.csksghana.blogspot.com  This was our second trip there in 2012 to help develop capacity within the leadership at Street Aid so that they can continue to serve the 61,000 street children living, working, and sleeping on the streets of Accra, Ghana. As usual, the experience changed me in ways of which books are written. The undertaking was made possible by many people who supported and continue to support projects or initiatives that help nurture and grow sustainability within organizations in developing countries. There is no way possible to thank each and every person, although I have been diligently trying, the numbers are significant and many of the donors and supporters anonymous.

The staff at Street Girls Aid sent us back to the United States with personal thank yous written by them and addressed to the Presidents of the ten Rotary Clubs that financially supported the grant that made it possible to conduct this work, they also sent a variety of other thank yous for us to deliver. I in turn made up a thank you flyer that has been sent or handed personally to another 60 people, but I know I am still missing countless people - so I have decided to post the thank you here.

Giving thanks is as powerful as giving gifts. In this case, I wanted people to know that their support not only made a difference, but that it made an impact...on more people's lives than we will ever know, like a ripple on one side of the world that becomes a wave that can lift a surfer. So today I simply and humbly give thanks to whomever has given. Period.

We will never know what ripple we made that will lift someone up somewhere else, we do it all the time without any thought of having to know outcome. For creating that ripple - THANK YOU!

❦ Give thanks to those who give. Here’s how I am thanking those who recently supported me:

Day 69 ❦ Give and be part of something bigger than yourself

Day 69 ❦ Give and be part of something bigger than yourself

The Gift: A plank, or two...

We decided to go to the same church we attended last week because we really loved what they were doing, in our on-going search for churches, we are hooping that we can soon make a decision. You can imagine my delight when today, there was another guest speaker (I have since learned that this is not uncommon in the summertime.)

Today’s talk was about Habitat for Humanity, which apparently has been a mission out-reach for the First Congregational Church of Austin. Not only does the church support Habitat for Humanity financially, but there are also a number of people within the congregation who are Habitat for Humanity volunteers. This particular church has a lot of people who are active in the community, politics and internationally...I think I am getting closer to finding a church home!

As with any inspirational talk, the audience is jumping out of our seats asking, how can we help? What can we do? And the speakers were ready, outside in the parking lot they had had delivered a load of planks that would be used to build the next house and we were given the opportunity to purchase the wood for the building of the house. The volunteers had pencils ready and they asked us to write messages of hope, inspiration and well-wishes on the wood for the family that would be selected next week to be the beneficiaries fo the building project.

It was fun, creative and it really made me feel like I was part of something bigger...again!

❦ Give and be part of something bigger than yourself

Day 68 ❦ Continue to Support a Courageous Person

Day 68  ❦ Continue to Support a Courageous Person

The Gift: A Sumner Cookbook

The great thing about new exchange students is that they typically present many giving opportunities and today is no exception. It is not that they are so needy, but instead I think it is our desire to ensure that they feel cared about.

Sisselin’s host family is holding an open house for the community, Rotarians and school mates to meet her. Having a Norwegian student has garnered a lot of attention, perhaps because of the strong Scandinavian roots here in the mid-west - and people are really excited to meet her. Not surprisingly, most of the conversations with her are related to weather (COLD) and food (plentiful and traditional) and during one of those conversations Sisselin tells me that she loves to cook and is excited about learning how to cook meals that are typical here.

Well, I don’t have to be told twice! I love to cook and I love to learn about cooking so I strike a deal with her that we will have some time to share cooking strategies, she agrees and I get her started with a cookbook produced by my daughter’s elementary school as a fund-raiser for playground equipment. Bam giving opportunity complete - and perfect for the occasion. I love it!

❦ Continue to Support a Courageous Person

Day 67 ❦ Support a Courageous Person

Day 67 ❦ Support a Courageous Person

The Gift: A Senior T-Shirt

The Austin Rotary Club has become very active in hosting International Exchange Students through Rotary International. This exchange program differs from so many of the other ones because it is run completely on volunteer efforts and with the support of the local Rotary Clubs, so the students get a great value and both the students and their host families get a lot of support. I love youth exchange and my family has supported the exchange program by hosting nine students in our home, sending our daughter outbound to live in France for a year and, by supporting our nephew as a Rotary Exchange Student in Argentina for a year. Rotary Youth Exchange has changed our lives, and I know the lives of so many people around us.

Each August (typically, although sometimes the Southern Hemisphere students arrive in December...brrrrr), a new student arrives; tired, nervous, yet filled with that eager anticipation that is characteristic of children willing to leave their home, family and friends for a year and venture out into the world alone. Such brave individuals. I am filled with admiration every time I meet a new student, and that admiration grows daily as I watch them spread their own wings and fly.

Today I am taking the new student to Austin High School to enroll. Sisselin is from Norway and while her English skills are pretty good, the process of school enrollment is pretty mind-boggling for a local, so I am clearing the path for her to have a successful year. It is also a good reminder for me of all that our community has to offer because after we are done with the school enrollment, we will go get her a library card, a YMCA membership, etc.... This is one of my favorite days with youth exchange students.

As we are enrolling her in the gym, going from one of the many stations to the next; and ten tables later we arrive at the senior t-shirt signing booth. The seniors at Austin High School traditionally produce a t-shirt with everyone’s signature on it along with a class slogan - which is usually determined during the year. The shirt is worn at Home-coming and various other senior celebrated events throughout the year and it is definitely something that we want Sisselin to be part of. Unfortunately, the cost is $10 and her monthly allowance is only $80, so that will eat up a substantial percentage of her allowance and today is only her second day in Austin. So I realize that my giving opportunity for today has revealed itself. Done, Sisselin is now an official member of the senior class. It’s the least I can do to support her bravery and courage.

 ❦ Support a Courageous Person

Day 66 ❦ Give because it is the right thing to do.

Day 66 ❦ Give because it is the right thing to do.

The Gift: Stamps to the Diabetes Association

I don’t usually respond to unsolicited phone calls for funds. It is not because I am insensitive, quite the opposite, I am concerned about the cycle of dependency it creates for non-profits and I am usually appalled at the functional expense ratio. I have worked in the non-profit world for many, many years and that is why I ask about the functional expense ration - in layman’s terms, what I am asking is how much of every dollar is actually going to go toward the mission of the non-profit.

Typically, a responsible non-profit spends less than 15% on “non-functional expenses” which is a misnomer, because the administrative costs are usually included in this percentage as is the cost of an audit, or Directors and Officer insurance. While these expenses typically don’t add to direct service, the organization could not function in conducting its mission without those expenses. But the real number to look at is the percentage of expenses that a non-profit includes in its non-functional expenses for fund-raising. A really good ratio would be 10%-15% of the fund-raiser supporting the expenses of the fund-raiser, and of that percentage, the fund-raiser should only marginally impact the non-functional expenses of an organization.

So, when a professional fund-raiser calls me and asks me to support an organization, I always ask what percentage of the funds goes toward the actual organization. Usually when I ask the question I get transferred to a supervisor and then get accidently hung up on, or they come back with a pat response with which they ensure me that 15% of all funds collected will go to the charity. The Police Officers Association is my favorite, because usually when I ask the question, they cuss at me...nice...

This is a long response to why I don’t usually give to those who call me on the phone, unsolicited, but it is important to be informed - just check it out the next time you get a call from a solicitor fund-raising for a charity. And know, that they are required by law to give you the answer to that question. It’s just good to know where your money is going and who is the real beneficiary.

So you can imagine my surprise to my own response to a phone call I received for the Diabetes Association asking me to contribute the stamps for a fund-raising drive in my neighborhood. I said yes. They send a packet of envelopes which I distribute to the neighborhood with the stamps that I have donated on them so that my neighbors can just send in their contributions. I can’t tell you why I liked this better than the alternatives; saying no, or giving cash. But when asked, they reported that their functional expense ratio was with tolerable limits (for me) in part, because much of their overhead was donated in the form of people paying for the stamp and partially distributing the envelopes. So I bit. Ten stamps later, the envelopes are all in my neighbors doors and it was kind of fun.

❦ Day 66 Give because it is the right thing to do.

Day 65 ❦ Give intentionally

Day 65 ❦ Give intentionally

The Gift: Cash

I don’t know about you, but I love the Fair. We happen to live in the County seat and so the Mower County Fair is a big deal. And, it is a free fair so that is an even bigger deal. Except, free is not really free when you talk about a Fair. Sure, we don’t have to pay to enter the grounds, and there is a lot to see and do that does not require money, but who can resist the Tom Thumb Donuts, the friend pickles on a stick, the cheese curds, cotton candy, freshly made lemonade...you get the idea. I can smell the food wafting in my office just thinking about all of that wonderful Fair food.

What is it about Fair food that makes it so enticing? I don’t know but I know that when I head off to the Fair, I’d better have some major money in my pockets so that all of my Fair food urges get satisfied. Now, it is bad enough that I can’t resist this food, but trying to control a child who is experiencing this same bombardment of senses is fruitless. So today, as we head off to the Fair I decide that I am going to tip the begging balance and eliminate it. I give our children money without being asked and they are now in control of their food destiny. It was one of the smartest gifts I’ve given and it was really fun to watch as they started adding the various selections in their minds, balancing out their resources with their desires.

In the end, both girls decided to save some on their money and play some games instead of sending it all on food. What fun, and what a lesson for me. I shifted the begging balance by intentionally giving. Pretty cool.

❦ Give intentionally and empower someone else.

Day 64 ❦ Give just for fun.

Day 64 ❦ Give just for fun.

The Gift: A special sunny side up kitchen tool

My husband is the breakfast guy. Not only does he love to eat breakfast daily, he LOVES to cook breakfast. When we tailgate at football games, he is in his element making pancakes, eggs, bacon, hash browns...you name it, for the masses. He often have a line of 10 or more people we don’t know lined up to enjoy his talents. I suppose I should write about some of those times because we have certainly provided a number of gifts during those times!

While I was in Boulder last week, I went into my all time favorite kitchen store, The Peppercorn. It has grown quite a bit since we were there and I spent several hours in a few trips just looking around, gawking would be more like it. While I was shopping at the Peppercorn, I happened across a cute little cast iron mold in the shape of shining sun for making the cutest little sunny-side up eggs. It made me smile just to see and then again when I gave them to my husband today (I bought a set). No one is tailgating at the Iowa Hawkeye football games making molded eggs in the shape of a sun! I can’t wait for the next game when Breakfast Chef Stan takes out his special molds and makes other people smile too!

❦ Today, give just for fun.

Day 63 ❦ Give so others can give

Day 63 ❦ Give so others can give

The Gift: Cash for social justice work

I currently do not have an organized religious affiliation, but the time is coming when I will need to make a decision about joining a church since our youngest daughter is really longing to belong to that kid of an organization and while I think it would also be good for her, we have reached a point in our community that will make it important for all of us to attend as a family. Now this is a tough one, because church played a major role in both my husband’s and my own lives as children, but as many adults have, we drifted from organized religion - both of us, for very different reasons. But regardless of our own opinions, we both believe that it is really important for our children to be exposed to a wide variety of opinions, beliefs and experiences so as to better be able to cultivate independent thought and make an independent decision informed by experience and knowledge as opposed to fear and folly. This is often much harder said than done.

When our oldest daughter was growing up, she decided to attend a church that had very different beliefs than we did and while we supported her, we could not subject ourselves to the theology which in our opinion was hurtful to others. While we monitored her experiences closely, to ensure that we could provide alternative ideas when she had questions, we let her struggle with the extremes to which she was exposed - the views of her church community and her real life experiences as a compassionate human being. In the end she left that church and was clear in her mind about that decision. In retrospect, she has told us that she appreciated the experience and the chance to solidify some of her foundational beliefs through her own experiences.

The gift of hindsight while valuable now, didn’t make it easy when it was happening, and has not helped our current situation because our younger daughter has chosen to attend a church that continually tells her that she will not see her parents when she dies because we are going to hell because we don’t belong to their church. After coming home in tears after being told this three weeks in a row, we have decided that we just need to find a church and go as a family so we can all process together, and apparently, all go to hell together - since we will not be members of a church that uses those types of tactics to scare people into joining.

There are 57 churches in this small town of 23,000 people and so we just start by attending a different church each week, and today is our 8th church visit. Interestingly, when we were considering moving to Austin, my husbands parents and he and I attended this church on the Sunday of his interview fourteen years earlier. It is a Congregational Church and I am from New England and so it really feels like home to me. This Sunday there is a speaker who is talking about providing literacy for women in Nepal and supporting the graduates of his program by giving them a seminated goat. His name is Dr. Earl Thompson and I couldn’t get my checkbook out fast enough when the offering came around to support his work. I love sustainable development concepts and I am moved by literacy work. I am so thrilled that we happened to be at this church at this moment to feel like we could be part of something bigger than all of us put together. I can’t wait to learn more about this church that has as its sermon a conversation about how to help raise women out of poverty. This is home and a place where I can help make a difference. And so today, I do.

❦ Give so others can give

Day 62 ❦ Give the gift of music

Day 62 ❦ Give the gift of music

The Gift: A set of bells, a snare drum and a drum practice pad

I am almost embarrassed to tell you that I had to receive a note from the Austin Music Boosters Club to realize that I had this gift just siting in my basement waiting to be given. But at the same time, I appreciate it when people ask for what they want, so I will put this gift in that category.

Fifth grade has always been a difficult time for me as a parent who really feels strongly about the value of music. In Austin, fifth grade is when kids get to explore instruments and can try out violins, cellos, horns of all kinds - it is so great, despite having to sit through painful concerts supporting all of those budding artists. But it is fifth grade when the class divide begins to reveal itself.

Children whose parents cannot possibly afford to rent an instrument, pay for private lessons, pay the school fees or purchase the music and required accessories drop out of music. Period. They disappear and begin that long silent march through a privileged and elitist school district which sets barriers to participating in almost anything with their fees, equipment charges and the requirement that children find their own transportation to and from practices and or home after practice; closing the door on so many children who begin to learn in fifth grade that they are different than those children whose parents can afford to support them.

I am especially sensitive to this because I was fortunate enough to have been raised in a school district that made it a point to ensure equal access for all, otherwise I would not have been able to participate in music and field hockey. My mother couldn’t afford to feed me, and as you have read in earlier posts, we were twice evicted from our homes, so there was no possibility of coming up with money to pay for fees for anything. But I was fortunate because my school didn’t charge anything, we didn’t have to prove we were poor to get “free and reduced options”(which as a child is pretty humiliating and you just stop asking), there was an after school activity bus and all of us were encouraged to participate in everything. I do credit those opportunities with saving my life - but that is for another day.

But in Austin, in fifth grade, the class divide begins. And it broke my heart each time our daughters went through the fifth grade trial time with their friends and had to watch while most of their friends quietly dropped out of music, despite a deep love of the violin, or cello...argh I can still see all of those children’s faces and it makes me so sad.

But this is a story of hope! Because today I got a letter from the Austin Music Boosters Association asking us if we have any musical instruments sitting around that they would accept as donations, fix up and GIVE to students who needed them. I was so excited to get this letter! I couldn’t pack up all of our instruments fast enough and took them right in. Of course! Why hadn’t I thought of that sooner? I did get some relief knowing that I could be part of something to open access to others of the gift of music. Perhaps you have an instrument that is lying around your house collecting dust...

❦ Give the gift of music

Interlude - ❦ One Hundred Days is a Long Time to do Anything

Interlude -  ❦ One Hundred Days is a Long Time to do Anything

I am back from my work in Ghana, and the entire experience was one solid gift, from the planning, implementing and processing portions of the experience - all of it combined was like getting a PhD. Although we had been asked to come back to continue our work in capacity development - I left much richer, more humble and with more confidence than ever before.  Every moment was life affirming. A gift indeed.

While I was in Ghana, the woman with whom I was working, Cathy, said something that is really important about this experience of 100 days of giving. She said, “one hundred days is a long time to do anything” and I agree. She also asked me some questions about the chronology of the actual one hundred days of giving exercise and the additional exercise of writing the journal which is what you are all reading in this blog. She, as other readers who have asked me the same thing, had some confusion about the time line of the events about which I have been writing and so I will take this post to clarify.

The actual exercise of giving occurred in 2004 and took place over a one hundred day span. Now, as many of you know from my latest posts, there were some days during those one hundred days that I did not give anything, in fact, over the course of the one hundred days, there are three days where I forgot or my “blahness” took over and I did not complete the daily exercise. No excuses. One hundred days is a long time to do anything. In my writing I shared that in hindsight, I was giving myself the gift of a day off, or of patience, or of taking care of myself and I still hold to that. So beginning in July of 2004, I woke up each day with the focus on giving.

When I began the exercise, I was not expecting it to last one hundred days and it was not until I surpassed the fortieth day that I realized that I could continue for another sixty. No, when I began, I just thought I would try it for a day, and then another day, and then another day, until forty days had passed and I not only liked the sound of  “one hundred days of giving”, but I had also grown rather attached to the exercise. Without jumping ahead of myself too much, I will share here that when I ended the exercise at one hundred days I suffered quite a bit of giving withdrawal...more on that later...

So July 2004 is when the exercise began and while I jotted down notes in my journal, with feelings, observations, estimated value of the gift and any unusual occurrences, I did not sit down to actually write the journal that you are all reading until 2008. In hindsight, I understand the reasons for the delay in writing and will share some of those toward the end of the journal, but the fact that I did not write the journal in a finished product really bothered me for sometime. And the fact that I did not publish the journal until four more years later really really bothered me - until Cathy said, “one hundred days is a long time to do anything.”

When I heard her say that I realized that I had actually engaged in three separate exercises that spanned one hundred days - the original one hundred days giving exercise, the next one hundred days of writing, and then the third one hundred days of publishing the work. Whew! Clarity for me!

So what you are reading actually occurred in 2004, thus the stories about the Austin floods, what you are reading was actually written in 2008, and the work that is being published on this blog has fresh annotations, updates and author’s notes that are informed by current events. To add to these layers, during the process of publishing the journal, I have begun a second cycle of one hundred days of giving and am using the same process - using the journal, which is posted on the tab titled journal here, to keep notes and I will write about it at a later date. So there is much more to come and I can’t wait to begin that next chapter. However, prior to the “next cycle of one hundred days of giving” being written, I am planning on self-publishing the first exercise in paperback complete with a daily journal after each daily post for the reader to complete - so stay tuned.

I do hope this helps you to understand the time line of events related to these posts. I have so enjoyed all of the phases of the project and I especially enjoy the feedback that all of you have been giving me about your own experiences of giving. Keep it up, I know first hand what an impact this kind of experience can have and I am happy to share that with all of you. And, thank you Cathy for your gift of asking the right question.

❦ When you need clarity, just ask the question.