Day 38 ❦ Giving can create a sense of relief

Day 38 ❦ Giving can create a sense of relief

The Gift: Information/A reference/An idea

As the storm begins to brew in Austin and storm chasers take hold in the parks and rest stops along Interstates 90 and 35 I am aware of the tension in town. It is palatable and none of us really knows what it means so we continue to go about our regular business but with a little bit of an edge to everything. It is difficult to describe what the atmosphere, literally and figuratively, feels like when a storm is brewing but can best be described as electric; people become short with one another for no reason, hyper vigilance kicks in and there is a constant state of alertness that burns a lot of adrenaline and creates a simmering state of aggression. The air is thick with tension.

Usually after a major storm hits it makes sense and there is a collective sign of relief that says, okay, now we know what we are dealing with so let’s roll up our sleeves and just get it done...but until that storm hits, the anxiety of the unknown is filled with tension. So the storm brews and we continue to go about our regular activities with a little bit of an edge.

Today I woke up on edge, I have now been working on reduced hours for several months and the financial impact of my decision is beginning to hit. Although the giving exercise has helped to lift my mood, and has increased the giving that I have received, it has not helped my pocketbook very much so today I am going to intentionally seek a project. Now for those of you who know me - you already know how difficult it is to describe what I do because it feels like I am a jack of all trades - it seems as though most everything I do I succeed at (that sentence was written by someone who has been living in the mid-west too long!. Oftentimes I have considered myself a “female Forest Gump” but in my mind I really think about myself as an information broker - I connect people with resources, I connect needs with supporters, I connect problems with solutions, I broker relationships and information.

Now all of those skills come in handy as a grant writer because it really takes an array of skills, knowledge and information to write a successful grant, which I happen to do well. As a result I get pegged into a hole as “a grant writer”. I have written over $15 million dollars in successful grants, and although I have not included most of those as high on my list of accomplishments, those who were recipients of those grants, often really appreciate what I do.

One of my failings is that because many things come easy to me, it appears from the outside that the magic that I work is easy. I do believe that if I can do something, anyone else can, but also know that what someone may have to do to reach the level of accomplishment that I have may take work. Most people (with the exception of my family) have no idea how hard I actually do work. But I digress, writing grants is hard work and a lot of that work goes on in my head. I find myself when in the middle of a writing project having to say to myself, “people can’t hear what is in your head - you have to get it down on paper.” And then I sit and spew words and numbers and a grant is born. So what does this have to do with the giving opportunity today?

Today I wrote a grant for someone because they came to me and asked me for help and I freely gave it with the clear understanding that they had no money to pay me. It is unethical for a grant-writer to write on speculation (receiving a portion of the proceeds if the grant is awarded) and it is discouraged to write grants for free (that undermines the profession of grant-writers), however, even lawyers and accountants do some pro-bono work, so today I am considering this task a pro-bono project and counting the 18 hours I spent on the project as my giving opportunity. Writing the grant helped to relieve the tension that is building so even though I did not find a paying project today, I did get some relief and was able to give in a very meaningful manner.

❦ Giving can create a sense of relief

Day 37 ❦ Giving can lift the blahness

Day 37 ❦ Giving can lift the blahness

The Gift: A cash donation to the Humane Society

After so many philosophical gifts over the past few weeks, today I  “cashed out”. It was so sad to see my friends leave to go back home to Baltimore, there is a lull in the summer action (or at least there was today...little did I know what Mother Nature had in store for Austin in a few days...and all of the giving opportunities that awaited) and I was mired in a state of blahness. Now, I know that is not a word and I am also aware that throughout this journal, I have made up several words...or at least I have had to add a bunch of words to my computer’s vast vocabulary, but the word blahness as in “being in a state of” just fits for today.

Going to the grocery store, which is usually one of my favorite activities, feels grey, the drive home is uneventful and the house is so quiet...I am surrounded by blahness. When I play Scrabble with my sister-in-law, when we make up a word it stays on the board if we can use the word in a sentence and then describe what the word means...therefore, under those rules, I now declare “blahness” a word which in the worst case scenario in Scrabble will net me 13 points. I am surrounded by blahness and really struggling to even think about giving...but here I am persevering in this exercise of giving every day.

So imagine my delight when a knock at the door reveals a few neighborhood children soliciting pledges for a walk this weekend for the Humane Society...yeah! Instead of pledging, I give them an outright cash gift (because a pledge wouldn’t count until the gift had actually left my hands) and the blahness lifted. Just like that - it felt like magic - I gave and the blahness lifted!

❦ Giving can lift the blahness.

Authors note: Since I officially used my new word blahness 8 times in this post I was able to declare it a word and successfully used it during a recent Scrabble game for 54 points.