Day 87 ❦ Fill Someone’s Cup...or Boot

Day 87 ❦ Fill Someone’s Cup...or Boot

The Gift: Change/Coins

Today my giving opportunity came right over to my car while I was sitting at a red light. I am going to count this opportunity, although I do not know if I could say I gave it willingly, nor happily. I live on a little one-way side street in our town. The address is very difficult to find because there are only a few houses on the one-way and  the street is a small half circle in a town whose streets all face north and south or east and west. I like it that way. But this week, I don’t like living where I live because I have to turn from one of the busiest intersections in town at one of the only stop lights in town.

I have just finished grocery shopping and am stopped at the stoplight, several cars from the beginning of the line, fortunately, at least I have time to start digging. Ahead of me I can see firemen, we have no firewomen in town (can you believe I actually had to add that word - firewoman, to my spell check dictionary??). The fire trucks are stopped at the intersection and the firemen are all out of the truck. They are approaching each stopped car in full gear with a fire boot, going car to car asking for drivers to fill their boot. On the corner, I see one of the guys working the traffic controls, so I know I am going to sit here until I cough up some money.

Now, I have no grudges against the fire department, in fact, I appreciate them very much and have had several occasions to call them to my home, again stories for another day. But I travel enough and go through my ”smart-traveler” safety in my mind that I get a little panicky when I feel like I am being held hostage. And, because of an incident years ago when myself and another relative were kidnapped at gun-point and held for a brief period of time - I find myself having an uncomfortable reaction when I feel like I am going to be taken again. So as the fireman approaches my car, which is going to be held here until I comply and put money into the boot I panic. My palms start to sweat, I can’t breathe and my brain is racing. Frantically digging through my purse, I realize that I have no cash - I’d had to write a check at the grocery store...what am I going to do. He is almost at my window and I start digging through the box that I keep between my two front seats looking for anything to put in there. I can’t breathe.

I am mortified and embarrassed as he approaches my window and signals me to roll it down. All I have is a handful of change which I drop in his boot. As I do so, I realize I am almost on the verge of tears and I can’t stop shaking...great - he is going to think I was caught doing something wrong and have his friend at the police station check up on me. I know now that that is really irrational thinking, but I am in the midst of a full blown panic attack. I quickly roll up mu window, lock my doors and count to ten before I open my eyes. Shortly after that, the light turns green and we are released and I go home. It takes a little bit before I can sink back into my skin. For all that excitement, I am going to use that as my giving opportunity today. Giving done. Willfully and gratefully, no, but giving done.

❦ Breathe.