Day 35 ❦ A gift can be a wonderful remembrance

Day 35

The Gift; African necklaces galore!

My friends from college and their girls are staying with us for a week while driving back from a family reunion in North Dakota and we are just loving having them here. I think that one of the greatest thing about having company is that you get to be a tourist in your own backyard. I am not sure why I need to have company to do the really fun things here, but I tend not to - so while Cheryl and her family are here we are going for it - off to the Zoo, the Nature Center, the Mall of America and my favorite...The Spam Museum! Now before you laugh - Spam is one of the products that drive the economy in my town which is home to the World Headquarters of the Hormel Foods Company, which makes Spam - all of the Spam in the world is made here - so Spam is a pretty big deal here.

The Rotary banner from my club that I use to exchange with other clubs when I travel says “Spamtown” USA on it and the streets are lined with banners flying from the light poles announcing to the world that indeed, we are Spamtown. The Spam Jamboree is a highlight in the community hosting Marion Ross and Tom Brokaw as guests. So going to the Spam Museum seems like an appropriate tourist activity when visiting Austin, Minnesota. The museum is really a fun place to visit and people from all over the world come to the Spam Museum- it is something, however, you can only take so much Spam. The last display in the museum is a television playing one of Monty Python’s skits about Spam...where to a marching beat they say Spam Spam Spam Spam over and over and over again and so after several hours at the Spam Musuem we walked home to the marching beat of Spam Spam Spam Spam. Have I mentioned yet that my friends are vegetarians?

After being inundated with canned meat products we needed a pallet cleanser and decided to have a fire and tell camp fire stories, getting back to basics - the kind of thing we would do when we were broke college students; sit around a fire in our backyard, drinking gin and tonics on a hot humid night telling stories laughing all night long.

And tonight laugh we did, and then the stories turned to my experiences in Africa and the mood grew somber. I shared some of the conundrums faced while there - child slavery, poverty, children dying in our presence, pregnant children, sorrow,  pain, sickness and despair. But I was also able to share stories of hope, courage and triumph and as the tension eased my giving moment revealed itself.

While I was in Ghana at Street Girls Aid I bought a bunch of necklaces made by the girls as a means of developing a trade and making an income...in fact, I bought every necklace they had in stock. Street Girls Aid is really a hopeful shining example of building self worth, empowering girls and restoring dignity and so I brought out an African basket filled with necklaces and asked each person there to choose one to take as a remembrance of the hope that they represented. When I went back to Baltimore several years later to visit my friend Cheryl, she and her daughters greeted me each wearing the necklace that they chose that night.

❦ A gift can be a wonderful remembrance

Fifth Interlude ❦ Preparing for the future

The Fifth Interlude ❦ Preparing for the future

Everyday that I write this journal I have had the opportunity to re-experience the gifts that I received daily as I gave; and I am finding myself smiling, tearing up and straight out laughing out loud as I remember each day. When I began writing this journal, I wasn’t sure what I was hoping to accomplish - I just knew I had a story to tell...the words were writing themselves and I couldn’t rest until I put them on paper.  It wasn’t until the fifth or sixth person told me that I needed to publish this story that I began to focus my attention on that...me publishing?

Well now I am quite certain that I will be publishing this story and want to make it very interactive so that the reader can not only enjoy the experience and share the daily story - but can also write their own story...have their own giving experiences to live and then share. So each daily story will be accompanied by a blank page with the following prompts: Day; The Gift (what did you give); The story behind the gift (why did you give what you did); Observations (how people, including yourself, responded); Feelings  (how did you feel?); Thoughts about the experience (what did you learn).

For your convenience and experience, I have included a blank journal page on this site for you to use and I would love to hear how your giving experiences go...that would be your gift to me. Give, receive, share and enjoy!

❦ Preparing for the future

Day 34 - ❦ Freedom of opinion is a gift to be honored

Day 34

The Gift: A political button

I am always surprised at how our kids can both reflect who we are and who we are not all at the same time. My friends from college are in Minnesota visiting me and they are staying with me my family - we are all having a great time. One of the great delights that I have had during their stay is watching as their personalities and quirks show up in their two children, and I suppose, they may be observing the same thing about me and my family. My friend Cheryl is an attorney. She is brilliant and could have gone into any law practice she wanted; and she did. She works for the Public Defenders Office for the City of Baltimore. Pretty hard core work, but she believes in social justice to the core of her being. Maybe that’s why we have been good friends for so many years. Her oldest daughter, Julia, is eleven years old and is tall and lanky, really good at sports and very smart. Already she is politically engaged and will take on any political debate that comes her way and will hold her own. It has been really great having another feisty young person in our home for an additional spark to the spirited debates that happen around here.

We have always considered ourselves extremely tolerant of others who have differing opinions than we do, and in fact, we often hold differing opinions within our own household. Accepting others’ opinions, or providing a platform for a wide range of opinions does not mean that we feel a need to “convert” others to see our side of things. We simply want to provide a platform for ideas, opinions and dreams to percolate and land where they do for our selves and our kids to try on until they find something that resonates within themselves. And as a result, dinner and party conversations are often lively, exciting and offer plenty for all of to think about...really a lot of fun. Sometimes the discussion gets tense and we have to agree to disagree, but I would have to say that I have always learned something from every conversation that has ever taken place in our home. That in and of itself is a huge gift that we receive from those who are open and honest with their thoughts, ideas, opinions and dreams. In short, we cultivate and value developing and sharing opinions. That value is not always popular within systems that work to maintain the “status quo” and so I am sure you can imagine that my husband and myself are frequently called into parent-teacher conferences because our girls are arguing, sharing their opinions or dissenting with authorities. As long as it is respectful, we shrug in sympathy with the teacher and let them know that we value spirited discussion in our home.

While my friends are visiting with their girls the nights are long with discussion. Even though we are pretty like-minded, we all have differing views on the root causes of problems and thus the systemic solutions. Our children engage in these and other political discussions and offer fresh perspectives - the discussions are rich and lively! After one such discussion the girls take off for a walk. I notice that Julia has a messenger bag that is covered with buttons; some say things I can’t repeat and others are throw-backs to the nineteen sixties and seventies. My gifting opportunity has just presented itself.

Minnesota is a hotbed for political activity and our exchange student went to hear John Kerry speak in Rochester, Minnesota when he was here recently. She picked up an extra button for me which I retrieved from my bulletin board and slipped onto Julia’s messenger bag. It was perfect. She is a Kerry supporter and was proud to have her political opinions recognized and valued by the gift.

     ❦ Freedom of opinion is a gift to be honored

Freedom of expression vandalized again!

Author's Note: The sadness that hits me as I read this post is indescribable...for the second time during this current political year the political signs that I have proudly displayed in my yard have been vandalized and stolen. The violation of my freedom to have an opinion is really hurtful and is impacting me to my core. Although they are "just signs" they represent something that I believe in...a basic right which belongs to all in this country...the freedom of speech - no matter whether or not you agree with the particular opinion...we have a freedom to express our opinions...or at least had one.

Day 33 ❦ Some gifts are just simply a surprise.

Day 33

The Gift: A wall hanging.

Earlier I mentioned that almost immediately after I started this exercise, people began responding in unusual ways that not only did I notice, but in ways that my friends and family began commenting on. Today was just such a day.

My college roommate Cheryl and her husband and their two daughters were visiting us in Minnesota. They had just been visiting relatives at a family reunion in North Dakota and stopped by on the long drive back to the east coast. I always enjoy spending time with them. The kind of friendship that I have with Cheryl is the kind that everyone should have. We can go for years without talking and when we do connect, it seems like we have spent everyday of our lives talking. The friendship is easy, fun and filled with admiration and respect for each other.

I have been looking forward to their arrival since I learned they were going to be passing through and was even more excited when I realized that they were going to be in town during the huge SPAM Jam that happens every now and then in Austin, Minnesota; home of Hormel Foods Company which makes SPAM right here in Austin. The festivities take place over several days and we are going to the carnival first today. There are rides, games and entertainment happening all over the park, the weather is a little hot but sunny and there are people everywhere. The girls are having a blast and I am enjoying watching my friends as they take in all that is SPAM, SPAM carving contests, SPAM eating contests and the SPAMettes performing SPAM songs from the amphitheater. Then, from nowhere a man walks up to me and gives me a beautiful 4x6 inch wall hanging. As he hands it to me he say, “I am giving this to you to give to someone else” and walks away.

I do not recognize the man and I am too stunned to run after him to ask his name, so I stand there and look at the wall hanging. It is a small framed drawing of a peaceful looking little girl with two angels looking over her. I had all kinds of things I was thinking about gifting today and yet this seemed too perfect an opportunity to pass up. So I went to the rides area and watched to find a Mom who looked a little frazzled and stressed. It did not take long to find her. I walked up to her and handed her the wall hanging and told her that I was instructed to give her that gift and then I turned and walked away. For the rest of the day I neither ran into the man from whom I had received the gift, nor the woman to whom I had passed it along. I did find myself laughing out loud several times in disbelief that I had been the person to whom the gift had been handed to pass along.

❦ Some gifts are just simply a surprise for both the giver and the receiver.

Day 32 ❦ Simple acts can help the environment too.

Day 32

The Gift: Milk Caps

I have already mentioned that I am a saver. In addition to saving everything, I also save trash from its final destination. So, the drawer by the kitchen sink is filled with Campbell Soup labels and milk tops that have been collecting for years. Today, as I try to fill the void that is huge in the house that our exchange student just left I am trying to find something to clean. I turn to vacuuming first and cleaning drawers and closets next when I need to be in control of something. Vacuuming works the best because I can always see that I have accomplished something as the vacuum works the room.

However, today, my floors are spotless - apparently I have needed to control something for several days and have vacuumed everything in sight. So, cleaning the closets are the next best thing - but as I go from one closet to the next, I realize that they are going to take more emotional energy than I have today, so I am going to focus my efforts on the smallest drawer in the kitchen...which I can’t open it is so jammed with “stuff.” Once I jimmy the drawer open, pour out the contents and sort the junk into themes - obvious throw-a-ways, interesting stuff to go back in the drawer, birthday candles and pens I am left with hundreds of milk tops and Campbell Soup labels. The perfect gifts! I will have to wait until school starts to give the Campbell Soup labels but there are easily twenty dollars in five cent milk tops. I bag them up and take them straight away to a local preschool which can turn them in for playground equipment and other educational items. There was no one around to receive the gift, and so I leave the bag on the Director’s desk. Giving anonymously is not prohibited. I find myself leaving thrilled that I was able to gift my trash knowing that it will keep on giving once the caps are turned in for items and also reduce the burden on the landfill. Wow, a double-bonus.

❦ Simple acts and simple gifts can help the environment too.

Day 31 ❦ Embrace our humanness.

Day 31

The Gift:

My giving notebook

I knew that I was going to have to write about this day for years. When I began this exercise I found the cutest little notebook whose cover in a black and white with yellow sepia tones pictured a smiling little girl dressed in a happy yellow flowered sun dress holding a daisy that was larger than her. It was perfect - giving larger than life, happiness and hope all bundled up in one little book.

The first page begins...”To Serve, Create and Bring Joy!” On the left hand side of each page is a date, month and day of the month,  followed by a description of the gift that I gave and a few notes about any observations, gifts received, the pieces of the story that I would write about later and any feelings that I had about that particular giving experience. I wanted it to be easy to record and then later transfer into the journal that you are reading now.

The note book itself is 4 inches by 6 inches, each page holds between 3 - 5 gifting experiences and filled with one great story after another. Despite its size, there is enough room in the notebook for me to use it for the second cycle of giving that I am conducting now and in fact, I could consider 5 or 6 more cycles of 100 days of giving and still have plenty of room to record everything I need to remember each day’s experience. That is except for today’s giving experience...

Today, Day 31 of the first 100 Days of Giving is blank. And not blank as in I forgot to write down what happened, blank as in I just didn't give anything today. I didn't forget to give, I didn't forget to write down the giving experience. I just didn't give anything today.

Knowing that I was planning on writing about my entire experience, I wrestled with just rolling day 32 into this day and shifting all of the subsequent days, but that didn't feel right. I thought about writing something philosophical like I gave of myself somewhere, but I didn't  I thought about staring all over since I hadn't really had 100 consecutive days of giving...but then I realized that we are all human and despite the challenges and standards that we set for ourselves, it is okay to recognize that we are all human and need a day off.

When I began this exercise 30 days ago, I was at an all-time low and was looking for something to kick-start me back into the human race. I needed something to move me outside of myself and I needed to be open to others’ needs instead of focusing on my own. To beat myself up for missing a day would defeat all that had been accomplished and I was unwilling to diminish all of the great things that had happened in the past 30 days. Intentionally giving, focusing on others, being open to interacting with people in new ways has added a dimension to my life that I not only appreciate and love, but that gives me something to look forward to each day. Today it just wasn't there and I needed to give into that. Period.

Now, the challenge is that just because I gave in today...will that make it easier to give in tomorrow? Or the next day? So now I know what I need to do. I need to intentionally add one day off each month when I can intentionally take the day off. God rested on the 7th day, surely it is okay for me to rest on the 30th day. So Be It. That is what I am going to do. Today...I rested.

❦ Embrace our humanness.

Day 30 ❦ Share your heart

Day 30

The Gift: A farewell event

I have avoided writing about this for a while but today has come and I can not avoid it anymore. Today is the day that Nina, our exchange student from Denmark leaves. Now I know that I am writing this at the risk of having all of our other exchange students read this thinking that their departure was less significant. They were not. Nina just happened to be our student who left during the time that I was writing this and practicing the exercise of giving.

When our students arrive for the year and I greet them at the airport, they are tired, scared and usually a little bewildered. Here they are - in a new country with people they do not know, speaking a language that they do not get - and this is their new home, their new family for an entire year. At that moment a year seems like it will be an eternity, and there are certainly days when it feels like that on all sides of the exchange. But on that first day it is impossible to fathom how absolutely hard the next trip to the airport will be. Well, today is that day.

All of the new security at the airport has made it even more difficult because we used to be able to morosely sit around at the gate crying, waiting, and giving final hugs as the student boarded the plane. We would then all stand and watch as the plane’s hatches closed and slowly pulled away from the terminal tears streaming down all of our faces. One year one of our student’s friends arrived at the gate after she had boarded and begged boarding passengers to tell her that they were there so she could come out and give them one last goodbye (which both they and she did).

Now, we can not avail ourselves of this transitional, painful time. Now we get to stand and watch as our students get searched, wanded, as they strip off their shoes and belts, and have the pins on their exchange jackets confiscated. A stark contrast. Regardless, the final goodbye at the airport is hard beyond words.

When a student leaves their family and friends for a year, it is courageous and hard for all - but in the back of everyone’s minds, the student will return, albeit changed. When that same student leaves us to return home - we  know that we may never see them again and it tears up my heart every time. Several of our students have returned and I hold on to that hope of seeing all of them again. Nina is no exception. We are all going to miss Nina and the ride to the airport is quiet and miserable with an underlying excitement that is natural since she will be returning to family and friends she has not seen for a year. Hugely conflicting emotions swirl in the car.

We have learned that the more people at the airport, the more difficult it is for the student as they begin their long journey home, having to deal with the travel part of the experience, focusing on checking in, getting their luggage straightened out and making the emotional shift. So today, it is only my oldest daughter, Alison and myself who are taking Nina to the airport. There are extended moments of quiet and reflection and we accept those awkward moments. Nina is torn between talking about things and people she will miss while talking about those she is looking forward to seeing. So we naturally settle on talking about food. The love of good food is such a universal concept. She lists all of the food she loved while in the United States and what she will eat first when she is home. The two hour drive to the airport goes by quickly.

As a way of breaking up the tension, we go to my favorite eating experience near the airport - Rainforest Café. It is a great place to go as a distraction with thunderstorms raining down, apes grunting, elephants bellowing, and dolphins playing. For desert we order a volcano which is a huge pile of ice cream, chocolate, brownies, whipped cream all with a sparkler on top. A great way to go out. Off to the airport, lots of waiting, lots of haggling with airport personnel and baggage handlers, dealing with the other exchange students and their sad friends and families, and finally they all clear security and all we can do is wave from a distance and know that they are now on the next part of their trip. The emotional cost of the day is huge. I have to remind myself that the depth of the pain is in direct proportion to the depth of the love. Today the gift is both giving and receiving love.

❦ Share your heart