Third Interlude ❦ Family, giving and sharing

Today I am including the most popular posts related to family so far. There are so many wonderful stories ahead of us that I don't want to lose sight of some of the important stories that have already been told. Enjoy and spend some time today thinking about family (however you define family), giving and sharing.

Giving to your family:

http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2440410872275813627#editor/target=post;postID=26400597136039269

Surprise your family:

http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2440410872275813627#editor/target=post;postID=4121839008592546887

More surprises:

http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2440410872275813627#editor/target=post;postID=8202414738152771114

And, even more surprises:

http://onehundreddaysofgiving.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-21-giving-presents-many-surprises.html

Caring for your "inner child"

http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2440410872275813627#editor/target=post;postID=904027214041738161

❦ Family, giving and sharing

Day 29 ❦ Value devoid of judgement provides many giving opportunities.

Day 29

The Gift: A trivet holder

After influencing world peace yesterday, any gift I give today will seem mundane. And so in an effort to take the value judgement out of the giving, perhaps an ordinary day of giving is just what I need. Today’s simple gift is a cute palm decorated trivet holder that I purchased many weeks ago because I liked the way it looked, but never found a suitable purpose for. This item has been sitting in the stacks of stuff in my office waiting to be processed, dispatched, completed or thrown away.

Looking around my office trying to decide what to give today - the trivet presented itself not only as a gift but with a recipient attached to it.  It was very odd to look at the trivet holder purchased so many weeks ago that had my name on it - suddenly change to a gift that had someone else’s name on it - in fact, so obviously with someone else’s name on it. Usually if I looked at a recent purchase which no longer had my name on it - I would have simply returned it. I am the queen of returns and really get satisfaction out of returning something that I am willing to admit was just an impulse purchase with little lasting value. This is a new phenomenon, however.

Several years ago, I would have simply packaged up an impulse purchase in a box and then sold it later at a yard sale for one-hundredth the original purchase price. It always made me feel kind of bad to do that, but I told myself that I was embarrassed to return something. In fact, returning something was like admitting I had done something wrong, I had made a bad decision - so once I learned to take the value judgement off of the “wrong” of returning items - I began to revel in the concept that not only was it okay to change my mind, but I could also get my money back when I did change my mind. Well, I was probably in the phase of deciding to return this cute trivet holder when I looked at it with new eyes and realized that it would be a perfect giving opportunity for my oldest daughter, who had also though it to be very cute. Viola, giving complete. She appreciated the gift and in her appreciation erased any value judgement that I may have had held.

❦ Value devoid of judgement provides many giving opportunities.

Day 28 ❦ A simple gift can influence world peace

Day 28

The Gift: Three Deecha Dolls

Deecha Doll (Dee-cha)
A child's imagination takes shape...
...outside the lines.

Deecha Dolls were first introduced to me in the fall of 2002. Created by a woman in Wisconsin, they are soft cuddly creatures that resemble children’s depictions and drawings of themselves and their favorite animals. My Rotary Group Study Exchange team used them to make connections between Minnesota/Wisconsin and Ghana school children. Just before we left in the spring of 2003, several of us took the Deecha Dolls into third, fourth and fifth grade classrooms around the state and asked school children to tell the Deecha Dolls stories of their lives and to write those stories for the Deechas to pass along to children in Ghana. I have some spectacular pictures of third graders holding the Deechas in their laps while they read the stories of their lives to the stuffed creatures.

We took the hundreds of stories with the Deechas to Ghana and shared the stories and Deechas. The Ghanian school children then wrote their own stories for us to bring back and share with the students here. All of the stories are moving and this exercise really opened my eyes to the ease of solving world tensions. I have several Deecha Dolls left from the experience that I use when I do public speaking engagements about my experience.

This afternoon, my daughter Shannon invited Julia (the girl from yesterday’s story) to come over and play. After a while there were several little girls running all over the yard, laughing, screaming, running and playing. Watching Julia and the other kids was very emotional. I decided that I wanted them to remember this closeness and bonding and when they came back inside - I gave all of the girls playing in my yard a Deecha and asked them to share the story of this day with the Deecha as a witness to happiness and an oracle for peace.

❦ A simple gift can influence world peace

Day 27 ❦ An ordinary item can be a lasting gift

Day 27

The Gift: A disposable camera

I know I have mentioned my trips to Africa more that once in this journal, and I will make no apologies for that. Africa was a life changing influence and each trip I took changed me in ways that I am still discovering. On my first trip, one of my goals was to meet up with a little girl named Julia and her older sister, Adjoa. Julia had lived in an orphanage where two people from my town were working (Emma and Jacob) and they fell in love with her as their own daughter. She went to live with them in their home in Ghana and they raised her and cared for her. After five years, when their second  mission service was complete, they needed to come back to the United States and were forced to leave little Julia (then six years old) behind. They took great care to set Julia up with her sister, renting them a place to live, paying for their schooling, food, books and living expenses - but they were still thousands of miles away. It was very hard on Mama Emma especially.

When Emma found out that I was going to Ghana, she contacted me and asked me to try to connect with Julia and make sure that she was okay. Additionally, she gave me gifts to give to Julia and Adjoa. I was pretty excited about this - but little did I realize that our meeting in Ghana would be so life changing for so many.

One of my team members and myself arranged to meet Julia and Adjoa at the convention center in the capital city of Accra where we were having meetings - and I cried when I first met Julia in person - she was so small, innocent, and vulnerable. Fortuitously that day was her seventh birthday. We talked and laughed and cried and took pictures and I gave her all the gifts that Emma had given me to give plus many that my team had put together for both of the girls. It was really emotional. It was very very hard to say goodbye to Julia that day and my heart wrenches now just thinking about it. That pain was nothing compared to the meeting I had with Emma upon my return. It was so hard to see the grief on her face, missing Julia, knowing how far away she felt from her, unable to protect her and care for her. Little did I know that a plan was hatching.

When I found out that I had received a grant to return to West Africa I called Emma right away and was given some incredible news. She had set in motion the visa proceedings for Julia to come to visit over the summer break. In Ghana it takes about six months to get a visa hearing to visit the United States and it turns out that Julia’s visa hearing at the United States Embassy is on a day that I will be in Ghana! This coincidence does not escape me. I am going to represent Emma and Jacob at Julia’s visa hearing.

The incidences surrounding the day of the visa hearing warrant an entire book by themselves, and I will save them for another time and simply tell you that after six hours on the day of the visa hearing Julia was one of the few Ghanians out of the hundreds that day to successfully get a visa to come to the United States. Julia is coming to America!  Julia is coming to Minnesota! Julia is coming to visit Mama Emma and Uncle Jacob! That one experience made both of my trips to West Africa worthwhile. Just thinking back to that day is a gift for me to think about.

So, how does this long story of the re-unification of Julia and Mama Emma fit into this journal? Today, I am going over to Emma and Jacob's home to welcome Julia to Minnesota. She is actually here in Minnesota. It is almost impossible for me to believe and I can’t wait to see her with my own eyes. Shannon (who is the same age as Julia) and I go over to meet her and give to her as a gift a camera to take pictures so that she can share her memories with her sister Adjoa when she returns to Ghana at the end of the summer. The first picture she takes is of me.

❦ An ordinary item can be a lasting gift

* The names of all of the people involved have been changed in this story but all events occurred as shared

Day 26 ❦ Today, share a new memory.

Day 26

The Gift: Two photo albums

Over the course of this one hundred days you may notice the theme of photos. I take photos all of the time and with all of the technology available am so appreciative that they are so easy to take. I can use my phone, webcam, a variety of cameras - but more importantly - I like to print them out...in fact, I love to print them out on photo paper, as pages in photo albums, on cards, anywhere. I think if I got into scrap booking I would be dangerous but I stop at photo albums and giving people envelopes of pictures.

Despite the ease with which I can take a photo, I can just as easily lose that same photo and I think that is one of the things that drives the gift today. How often does a computer crash? A phone is dropped into water and all photos disappear? A camera battery dies and now real photo printing no longer exists for all of those negatives I have stored. But an even greater thing drives my craziness for taking and giving photos in photo albums...I have only 2 photos of me as a child and I miss being able to connect visually with that part of me.

There are few words to describe what it is like to lose your childhood at nine when the Sheriff stands at your door with a lock and announces to the world that you no longer call this place home and that all of your belongings will be sold to someone who can pay for them. My life and photos all put up for sale in the blink of an eye. Now granted, I may not particularly want to revisit those times in photos, but as an adult, I would like to just once peer into the eyes of that little girl and see if I can remember who she was, what she was thinking. I would love to be able to pull out photos of me and compare them with those of my children and their children like we can with my husband’s photos. I would love to be able to laugh about the silly things, blush at the embarrassing things and coo over the cute things captured in photos - but that was taken away from me as it has been for many children whose homes have been foreclosed on, who have lost everything in floods, fires and devastation. All we can do is move forward to provide opportunities for others to be able to laugh, blush and coo over the pictures of their lives. And, that is what this gift is about today - I gave 2 photo albums filled with photos of wonderful memories to our exchange student and oldest daughter so that they can look into the eyes of a child whose experiences are vast...and remember.

  ❦ Today, share a new memory.

Day 25 ❦ Giving creates memories

Day 25

The Gift(s): A set of cookbooks.

Today we had a going away party for our exchange student, Nina. All of her host families and many of her friends came to say goodbye. It is hard to even write this without missing her. The most difficult part of hosting an exchange student is saying goodbye for the last time. No matter how much time goes by, I miss all of the students we have hosted. We will miss Nina deeply.

Nina loves to cook. We spent many, many hours cooking all kinds of traditional Danish, French and American meals. Our daughter Alison, returned from her year on exchange to France with fantastic French cooking skills and she has enjoyed sharing her skills with us - so the three of us have really enjoyed cooking together, feeding the masses and watching the delight on the faces of our guests as we bring out course after course of spectacular food. Nina, by the way, does not like the word spectacular. But spectacular is one of the best adjectives to describe what the three of us cooked up.

When Alison was in France, she also enjoyed cooking traditional American meals for her families and has shared that some of her fondest memories are those of preparing a Thanksgiving meal, baking chocolate chip cookies or brownies for her families - or whipping up macaroni and cheese that I would occasionally send her. She brought as a gift for her families a cookbook that we have used in our family for years. I wanted Nina to be able to share these same types of fond memories with her family in Denmark - so what better than to give her a couple of cookbooks. I really enjoyed giving this gift and hope that it will provide her many, many more hours of fun cooking for her friends and family in Denmark.

  ❦ Giving creates memories.

An Interlude - A review of the best

Today's Gift - a review of the most viewed posts so far. As I mentioned in the last interlude - I have begun a second cycle of 100 days of giving and while I should not be surprised by the impact and results, I remain continually and pleasantly surprised. The impact of focusing on giving every day and in return being open to receiving the giving others may have for you is life-changing. As simple as that - life-changing. Neither good nor bad but affirming, fulfilling and fun. I have found this exercise to again offer a new outlook to every day and gives me something to look forward to everyday...the surprise of it all. So in that vein, I present to you the top 4 posts of the first 28 posts:



By giving you give others permission to give too...
http://onehundreddaysofgiving.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-5-give-permission-to-others-to-give.html

What it feels like to overcome our self-talk about giving...
http://onehundreddaysofgiving.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-1when-i-give-i-feel-light.html

The one I had the most fun with...
http://onehundreddaysofgiving.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-13-be-childlike-in-your-giving.html

And, the inspiration of the exercise...
http://onehundreddaysofgiving.blogspot.com/2012/08/introduction-to-100-days-of-givingan.html

Day 24 ❦ Today, give to your family first.

Day 24

The Gift: A pair of jeans

Since I have shared the giving exercise with Shannon, I have decided to make her the recipient of receiving today. Both my husband and myself work in the human service industry and many times our jobs pull us away from our family’s needs to focus our attention on the people we serve. Sometimes our own children have to be patient, and since they are both very giving individuals, they usually understand.

Yesterday, when I told Shannon that we needed to find something or someone to give to, she immediately started listing off some of the children she knows who have needs that only kids know about. It really moved my heart to understand the depth of understanding that is shared amongst kids. When I was a child, I was one of those children that Shannon was concerned about having huge needs and her caring for that little kid in me really affected me. And the irony of all of this was that Shannon had been complaining almost daily about how much she needed jeans (which she did, growing as children do, three sizes this summer). Yesterday, when I told Shannon that we needed to find something or someone to give to - I absolutely expected her to proclaim herself as the primary recipient of the gift. She never mentioned herself. Time to put her in the front of the line.

I told her we had some errands to run (which of course is one of her least favorite things to hear from me) and we went shopping. She was really surprised as we headed to the girls section and wanted to know who we were going to be gifting today. She glowed when I told her that it was her day today. We had so much fun shopping and buying that precious pair of jeans.

❦ Today, give to your family first.

Day 23 ❦ When shared, small gifts can reap huge rewards.

Day 23

The Gift: Loose change in March of Dimes box

Today I told the third person about my giving exercise. I have been holding this very closely, so that people I know don’t question my motives when they receive a gift from me wondering if I am giving from my heart or out of obligation just to complete the exercise. Now, I will have to admit that when I first began this exercise, I thought that there would be times that I would be giving out of obligation - just to stay on track - and while I have had to intentionally seek out giving opportunities - obligation is a concept or feeling that has not ever been present. I have found that I feel full of gratitude when a giving opportunity presents itself.

So today, I went out on an intentional giving hunt. I packed my nine year old in the car and told her that I needed to find something or someone to give to. No other explanation, simply that we were going on a giving hunt. She so got into it. Her giving ideas were wide and varied and she was still dreaming about them while we went grocery shopping. At the check-out she noticed the change boxes that were posted by the cash register that were labeled “March of Dimes” and asked the clerk, “What is the March of Dimes”? At which the seventeen year old clerk looked up a little perplexed, realized what my daughter was talking about and thought for a minute. “I think it is an organization that helps little babies who have problems”, she responded. So Shannon decided that the March of Dimes really needed our money because she wanted to help little babies with problems and I promptly dumped all of my change in her hand for her to put in the box. Shannon and the clerk exchanged huge smiles as we walked away, Such a small gift, such huge rewards.... Several days later, while we were driving, a March of Dimes commercial came on the air and Shannon sat straighter in her seat and excitedly proclaimed that we had helped them, “remember Mom, at the grocery store?”, smiling again.

  ❦ When shared, small gifts can reap huge rewards.

Day 22 ❦ Unexpected gifts are fun to give.

Day 22

The Gift: A box of frozen popsicles

I spent the morning last weekend cleaning the obscure parts of my house and started with the freezer. We moved into this house fourteen years ago and bought the refrigerator new when we moved in - that was probably the last time it was clean. So as I sorted through ancient boxes of ice cream all with one last spoonful of something that resembled white at some time in it and unidentifiable frosted over meat (I think) and tubs of red stuff - that I am sure was the best chili or spaghetti sauce I had ever made - I was surprised to see tucked away in the back bottom corner a new, and unopened box of freezees - all colors intact. Usually I find a box filled with picked over purple ones and throw them away. Despite my delight in finding the hidden treasure, freezees just don’t fit into the Dr. Phil lifestyle so I tried to throw them away and just couldn’t make myself do it.

I took them out of the box and neatly tucked them away under the ice cube trays thinking that there will be some reason to bring them out (but I just couldn't imagine when that would be) - until tonight...

This summer has been unseasonably cold and most evenings have found us tucked under heaps of blankets usually reserved for crisp fall days. I am sure that the ice cream stands are suffering, but the rain has been beneficial in returning the water table levels to healthy levels. Despite the cold weather this has also been a bumper year for mosquitoes. Now I know that Minnesota is known for its mosquito, and rightfully so, however, these mosquitoes are killer mosquitoes - or can’t be killed mosquitoes. Even after the city sprayed twice to eradicate these pesky bugs, the swarms were so think - no one has been outside. I use the mosquito repellent I took to Africa (one hundred percent DEET) and even this does not deter them. Because of all of these factors, people just have not been outside, kids have not been outside playing, yelling, screaming and I have resorted to bringing my daily workouts into the gym.

Today was a very busy day for me and as the evening came on me, I realized that I had not yet found a giving opportunity. Yikes, I do not want to encounter giving burn-out, and need to stick to my daily giving or the exercise is all for naught. Discipline - that is one thing I would like to see myself accomplish in this, discipline, bringing it home. But that did not relieve the fact that I had not been open to a giving opportunity yet and it was seven thirty at night.

As I was pulling into my driveway on finally - the hottest day of the summer - topping off at eighty six degrees - I almost missed my driveway because I was watching five or six kids playing out in the field across from my house. There are some great climbing trees there and under the trees stood tangles of bikes and kids playing and yelling. I realized how much I missed that and smiled to see them hanging upside down and just being kids. Maybe summer has finally arrived. At least my giving opportunity has. I marched into the house, bagged up the popsicles and went back out and gave them to the kids. Although they were older than I originally thought, they were all very excited to be given something, spontaneously, by a stranger. As I walked away I heard them negotiating who would get the blue one and who would get the red one. As I reached my back door they yelled out a big thanks and turned to enjoy the treat. This was fun.

❦ Unexpected gifts are fun to give.

Day 21 ❦ Giving presents many surprises.

Day 21

The Gift: A new to you bike

I have struggled with using this gift to count toward my daily giving opportunity, and the factor that weighed in most heavily was the pure pleasure and appreciation of the recipient when this gift was presented. So, an old bike that I refurbished to “new to you” condition for my youngest daughter counts and I learned a valuable lesson in this experience.

Shannon and I went for a bike ride this morning. I was riding my racing bike that I bought many years ago, but is still in excellent condition. Shannon was riding the bike that my husband and I gave to her for her eighth birthday just last year. She was having trouble keeping up with me. One time I looked back and she was stopped by the roadside, off her bike. I circled back around and saw that the chain had fallen off. We fooled around with it and finally got it back in place, only to have it fall off again. Unfortunately we were several miles away from home and had to figure out a plan. With very few options we opted for the ride and fix plan which took forever for us to get back home. While she was riding in front of me, I also noticed that she had probably grown a foot and a half since we gave her that bike just last year. Something had to be done - now, however, since my hours at work have been scaled back - purchasing a new bike was not going to be an option today. I noticed that I was sinking into my darkness again. Scarcity encompassed me and I started telling myself what a terrible mother I was that I couldn’t even get my daughter a new bike. ARGHHHH.

We made it home and I was really stressed and pretty bummed. Shannon quietly went into her room and we didn't talk for a long time. I have been at this giving exercise long enough now that I can recognize when I am dropping into my dark place and in recognizing it - can make a move to intervene. I had to move, breathe, do something that is constructive. If I can’t get her a new bike, what if I try to get her big sister’s bike in riding shape for the short term. So we set up shop. Shannon washed the bike and scrubbed the spokes while I cleaned and oiled the chain, tightened and adjusted the brakes and gears, and then we polished it and put air in the tires.....and....viola....a new bike. And to add to the specialness of the bike, it was Alison’s (which apparently is really cool for Shannon). We went out and bought a bike lock, since this bike was so nice it might get stolen, and Shannon was in the bike riding business.

She rides that bike everywhere and I smile every time I see her on it. Perhaps the gift was the “new to you” bike, perhaps it was the time we spent together fixing it up, perhaps it was the responsiveness and support Shannon got with her old bike struggles. The gift for me was in the giving - the act of moving out of my darkness to give was an incredible gift for me.

❦ Giving presents many surprises.

Day 20 ❦ A gift becomes more when I get to enjoy it too

Day 20

The Gift - A party in a bag

I love to entertain, and am always on the lookout for cool party decorations and buy them anytime I see them knowing that they will come in handy sometime. This is one of those times. On my way out of town I drop off a party in a bag to our exchange student for a party that she is planning - I have perfect platters, plates, napkins, and small table decorations that fit the theme that the host family has selected for this party and I am happy to give them these festive items. This is a little selfish because I will be attending this party, and will be the beneficiary of all of the fun party stuff, but there are no guidelines that say that if I benefit and enjoy the gift I have given someone else that it can't count - so I will enjoy and we will all have a fun party.



❦ A gift becomes more when I get to enjoy it too

Day 19 ❦ A simple gift can carry with it many complex layers of appreciation.

Day 19

The Gift: A necklace

When I returned from Africa, I brought back with me many gifts. While I was in Ghana, Togo and Benin I stopped at roadside vendors, went to market, stopped women carrying things on their head, asked for clothing to be made and purchased as many native pieces of jewelry, clothing and wood carvings I could carry. I bought these gifts with no one in particular in mind, knowing that when the time to give arose, I would know to whom I would give each gift. I spent two days shopping at Street Girls Aid in Ghana, a refuge for girls who live, work and sleep on the streets of Accra with their babies. The goal of Street Girls Aid is to teach these girls a new trade such as sewing, batiking, hair design or jewelry making as well as provide their children with medical care and child care while their mothers learn a new skill. While we were visiting, we got to watch the girls tie-dye, batik, sew, make jewelry and put fancy shells on some of the skirts they were making for us.

I was visiting Street Girls Aid to look at the viability of  developing some sustainability projects between multiple funding partners, one of which is my Rotary District. While we were there, we met several other Rotarians (Kay and Bob) who were also looking at combining forces with Rotary and Street Girls Aid to develop an export market for their wares and expand the shelter. Kay brought back with her twelve boxes of beautiful fabrics, table cloths, napkins, dresses, skirts and wine bottle covers. I limited myself to one suitcase full of jewelry, fabrics, clothing, and tablecloths from Street Girls Aid.

Today I had the opportunity to give a necklace from Street Girls Aid. Shortly after I arrived home from Africa in May, I gave away tons and tons of gifts. I seem to still have hundreds of necklaces and bracelets left and realized that I am not giving them away as freely as I had anticipated. So as I walked by the large basket that contains many of the necklaces - I picked one up and gave it to my daughter Alison. My kids tend to not get gifted as much as many of my friends and co-workers, so I decided that it would be nice and spontaneous to just give her one. It felt nice and since she knows the story of Street Girls Aid, she carries their energy with her and can appreciate her life and the gift that was made for by the street girls.

❦ A simple gift can carry with it many complex layers of appreciation.

Day 18 ❦ Give and others can give

DAY 18

The Gift - A hockey bag

Since I have had my hours reduced significantly at work, I have dedicated Fridays to volunteer service and spend most of my time working on Rotary projects. Rotary International has given me so many opportunities to serve both here in Minnesota and throughout the world. This spring I returned from my second work service trip to West Africa sponsored by Rotary International. Volunteering my time now is only one of the small ways I can give back to Rotary for what I have received. Today I am meeting with a woman who will be leading a team of educators to Ghana, one of the countries in which I spent time.

When I meet with Judy, I am armed with contact names and numbers of people who can assist her when she is in Ghana. I show her some of my pictures and we talk about her itinerary. Then I give her the traveling hockey bag. For those of you who do not live in a state that lives and breathes hockey, a hockey bag is the biggest and most durable canvas bag that you can get that still fits in the size limitations required by the airlines. I have found through my travels, that a hockey bag is the perfect bag in which to transport medical supplies to developing countries - and have done so on multiple occasions.

In Minnesota, our Rotary District was fortunate to have a volunteer organization which recycles good, useable and re-usable medical supplies leftover from hospitals called R.H.O.M.S.I.D. They ask Rotarians who are traveling to developing countries to consider taking a bag or two of supplies from their warehouse to give to local doctors and clinics upon their arrival in the country in which they are visiting. The two times I went to Africa, the team that I traveled with stuffed seventy pounds (the airline baggage limit) of medical supplies into the hockey bag (and other bags as well). The cool thing about the hockey bag is that is can hold seventy pounds of gauze, pads, bandages - big bulky items that could never fit into a standard suitcase. Items like stethoscopes, and heavy medical equipment fit well mixed in with clothing, but light, bulky stuff poses a packing nightmare. We have transported four hundred and twenty pounds of much needed medical supplies in two trips in this manner.

The traveling hockey bag was given to me two years ago for my first trip to Africa to transport children’s clothing and medical supplies. We found it worked so well, we decided to use it to load it with gifts for our return to the United States, and just keep giving it to people who were taking R.H.O.M.S.I.D. supplies on their trips. Judy’s team was planning on taking medical supplies with them, so they were gifted our traveling hockey bag.

❦ Give and others can give

Day 17 ❦ Leftovers can provide meaningful giving opportunities.

Day 17

The Gift: Left-over food to the Salvation Army

Leftovers take an unfair rap. In my home, because we eat spectacular food and I always cook too much, a leftover meal can easily be the equivalent of a gourmet meal in most homes. It is not unusual if you come to my home unexpectedly during meal time for me to pull out a six course lunch or dinner for you to enjoy. I love to share my cooking and you will notice that several giving opportunities in this book are related to “special meals” that I gave to people. I am only mentioning this to increase the level of esteem in which you might hold the term “leftovers” when thinking about them as a legitimate gift. In this case, however, the leftovers were fairly pedestrian - but meaningful. We had company for a cookout over the weekend and when they left, we had many unopened food items leftover that we would not eat because they did not adhere to the “Dr. Phil Plan”. So in an effort to maintain a “no fail environment” I took these food items over the local food shelf where they were gratefully received. As I talked to the woman who accepted my gifts she commented that so many people don’t think about giving these kind of “leftovers” to their local food shelf thinking them not good enough (and throwing them away), when in fact, they are exactly what are needed on a daily basis.

❦ Leftovers can provide meaningful giving opportunities.

Day 16 ❦ There is always a perfect match for that which you wish to give.

Day 16

The Gift: A variety of coffee flavorings.

Yesterday I cleaned my spice cupboard and found a number of things that I know I will never use and just could not throw away. I am compiling them in an area, because my spice collection is such that the average mid-westerner will not really consider them a gift. But as I was cleaning I came across a great collection of coffee flavorings (filled with sugar) which no longer fits my Dr. Phil lifestyle. So...... who do I know who likes flavored coffee??? I put the container in my purse and carry it around with me today, just waiting for the giving opportunity to arise. It did not take long. I ran into a co-worker, who as my “office secret santa” bought me a coffee punch card for my birthday. When she gave it to me, she commented about how much she loved coffee - Ah ha! I handed her the coffee flavorings and she happily accepted my gift.

❦ There is always a perfect match for that which you wish to give.

Day 15 ❦ Giving feels better than coveting.

Day 15

The Gift: A bag of new items to the Salvation Army, a fifty dollar donation, an apple and banana.

I woke up this morning eagerly anticipating my giving today. I knew exactly what I was going to do and had packaged up the gift already. Never in my life did I anticipate how cool the myriad of other giving opportunities that would reveal themselves today would be. I am so glad that I did not artificially restrict myself to only one giving opportunity per day!

My experience giving to the Salvation Army was so rewarding last time that I decided to give a full bag of brand new things - either unworn, unwrapped, or still with the tags on - brand new. As I was cleaning the closets, I pulled out things that I would never wear and items that fit my brand new criteria and filled a bag. It was so much fun to deliver this bag full of items at the Salvation Army this morning.

Later in the day I got a phone call from a friend asking me to go to a political rally and hear Al Franken speak. I jumped on the opportunity and found myself in the fourth row at the State Theatre for an extremely entertaining evening. Okay so this situation brings up some questions:

• Does this qualify as a giving opportunity and why am I including it?
• Does it count if I get something back in return?

My husband and I believe very strongly in giving on an annual basis and easily donate to charitable organizations and help friends and family when we can. I know that to count that giving in this new exercise just wouldn’t be right - it wouldn’t challenge me to find new opportunities. So that is the operative word, a new donation, something that I would not have given before I started this exercise.

GUIDELINE #4 - Any donation can be counted over and above my regular annual giving.

Now the other question is more tricky because while I would not count the purchase of a ticket to the local symphony or children’s theatre (albeit they are partial donations) why should I count the donation to see Al Franken? The difference is this - I was told when I wrote the check that the Theatre was not charging anything for the performance and that the entire amount of my check was considered a donation. That is my guiding light. Yes, I got some value from the experience, but I can also make the case that I am getting something out of every giving experience. So:

GUIDELINE #5 - The intrinsic personal value of the gift (or donation) does not disqualify the giving opportunity.

If the intrinsic personal value of the giving opportunity disqualified the opportunity - I could not count the next experience. This was one of the more meaningful experiences yet. On our way to the Theatre, we were stuck in traffic in Minneapolis. At one such stop we noticed a woman sitting by the side of the road with a sign saying that she was homeless and hungry and would work for food. I could feel all four of us in the car preparing to steel ourselves to not watch her as we drove by - we certainly had no job to offer her - we all held our breath as we inched closer to her and suddenly I remembered that we had a bowl of fruit in the car, brought along for our long ride to the cities. I shouted “roll down the window - give her the banana” and relief flooded the car as the driver rolled down the window and gave this woman the fruit from our basket. It wasn't a lot - although it was all we had, but it sure felt a lot better than driving by, working hard to ignore her.

❦ Giving feels better than coveting.

Day 14 ❦ A simple gift can ease the aching heart.

Day 14

The Gift: Gave video to host family

I cannot decide which is easier - to host an exchange student who has a challenging personality, one who just clashes with host families and we are all relieved when they leave to go home - or hosting an exchange student with whom we bond, care about deeply and grieve when they leave. Really the question is - do I prefer short term pain over long term heartache? Both have their value I suppose. But I can see that the host families of our current student are all headed toward the latter. Perhaps that is why I am including so many gifts to host families in this first month of giving exercises, I know the value of the gift and know it is meaningful.

Last week I tried to deliver the video I had made to Nina’s last host family and no one was home. So while I was driving around today I noticed the video sitting on the front seat and decided to drop it off. When youth exchange students go through training to prepare for their experience they are told that they will impact at least one hundred people. One hundred people who will be exposed to their culture, their personality, their ambassadorship. I believe that this number is low. Not only do I believe that this number is low, I believe that those people who are impacted will all be touched deeply and personally. Nina’s current host mother has a personal assistant who plays a role in the family that is more like a family member than staff person. She is someone who has been impacted deeply by Nina. Her sadness over Nina’s pending departure is apparent. She was home when I delivered the video and she eagerly accepted the gift.

❦ A simple gift can ease the aching heart.

Day 13 ❦ Be childlike in your giving

Day 13

The Gift: Filled gumball machines with quarters at K-Mart

Yesterday, I told the first person (besides my husband) about my giving exercise and got an interesting response. I have been uncomfortable about telling anyone, because I don’t want them to question my giving, wondering if I am giving to them simply to fill my daily quota. I am also uncomfortable with telling anyone, because it has been my personal experience that once I have shared my idea with someone, it dilutes the idea and I lose a little of the driving energy. So it was with some trepidation that I shared with this person what I was doing. One of the things that I told her was that I had noticed that people were giving to me in greater proportion than before I began this exercise. No less than ten minutes later a complete stranger walked right up to us and handed me a pin and said that she wanted me to have this gift. Words cannot describe the surprise of my friend who stood speechless with her jaw on the ground as this unknown woman walked away. She turned to me and said, “So I guess this is part of the giving thing you were describing.” It was hysterical.

I spent most of the rest of the day writing about all of the giving and receiving experiences I had had and the day slipped by. It was eight o’clock in the evening on a holiday Monday before I realized that I had not yet discovered a giving opportunity and went out in search of one. As I pulled into the K-Mart parking lot I realized that I really wanted to do something kind of goofy, kind of silly, but still wasn't sure what would develop. I went into the store to get a few things and as I was at the checkout I asked for three dollars in quarters. An idea formed. As I left the store, I filled the row of gumball machines with quarters - just waiting for the next little child to come along and wistfully turn the knob wishing that they had twenty-five cents to out in the machine. I giggled all the way to my car. Now, for all you parents out there who do not want your children to be recipients of this type of gift - I have to tell you that I am also a parent who would be suspect of my child excitedly running up to me with this type of gift in their hands. Tough. I needed to be silly and was.

❦ Be childlike in your giving

Day 12 - ❦ One person’s treasure can be another person’s treasure.

Day 12

The Gift: A frosted Christmas platter.

We live next door to some of the greatest neighbors you could ever ask for. This was our first home purchase and I had no idea how important your neighbors could be - ours have been welcoming, helpful and respectful. The first weekend we were here all of our neighbors came over and introduced themselves, brought food and filled us in on the times we were to mow and not to mow our lawn (never on a Sunday). It is always nice to know what the rules are. Our house sits up on a hill and is bordered by a circular one-way street so while we have many neighbors (six houses) that directly lay adjacent to our property, we are set back enough that no one can see into our windows at night when our shades are open. It is really a very nice situation, nice neighbors, nice setting and great shade. The neighbors who lay directly to the south and who share the greatest amount of adjacent property have been especially fantastic, they have grown children, so they have always indulged our girls as grandparents will.

Several weeks ago, our neighbor, Karen came over and invited Shannon and her visiting friend to come over and pick through the remnants of her yard sale. I sent them over with some money and they had a blast. Karen would not allow them to pay and she gave them boxes which they filled with gifts for all of their family members. They brought their treasures home and spent the rest of the afternoon wrapping their selections. They were so excited and couldn't wait to start handing out all of their gifts. When they finished wrapping the items, they laid out the gifts in a long line in the living room and asked us to open them. They squealed with delight as we opened each package and I was overwhelmed at how thoughtfully they had picked the gifts. In the midst of the remnants of a yard sale, they had found something thoughtful for everyone in each of their families - it was very cool - inspirational.

I am telling you this story because in that long line of gifts, five had my name on them. As I opened each one, I was wowed and really enjoyed what I received - with the exception of one item - a frosted Christmas platter. When I unwrapped that gift, all I could think of was - this would be a perfect gift for my sister-in-law. Susie loves all holidays and really goes out of her way to elaborately decorate her home. She delights in decorating and inviting people over to enjoy her displays. The frosted Christmas platter screamed her name.

After we finished unwrapping all of the gifts and Shannon’s friend had packed off to her house with boxes of treasures for her family to open - I asked Shannon if we could talk about the platter. Her shining eyes narrowed and looked a little hurt as I asked her if I could give the platter to Susie. I could see her processing the request - Does this mean that Mom doesn't like this gift? Should I have thought about Susie and given her this gift? She sadly agreed that yes, Susie would really appreciate the platter and walked away. Even as I write this I have mixed feelings about that day, but I just knew that this gift was destined to go to Susie and I was uncomfortable giving it to her without talking to Shannon about it.

My doubts about whether or not this was the right thing to do were eliminated when I gave the platter to Susie. Shannon’s eyes shined proudly as I handed Susie the platter. I told Susie the story and Shannon smiled and re-enjoyed the experience of giving.

❦ One person’s treasure can be another person’s treasure.

Day 11 - ❦ A little bit of giving can go a long way.

Day 11

The Gift: Fun money to my daughter and nephew.

Back to back giving opportunities to the same person can seem complicated, but this one was really fun to give. I dropped off our youngest daughter Shannon and nephew Les at the SPAM Museum and as they got out of the car, I handed each of them two dollars. Small money, big smiles. It was totally unexpected, fun and the two dollars really went a long way. As it turns out, they both opted not to spend the money at the museum and really got a lot of bang for buck (s) at a kids carnival the next day.

❦ A little bit of giving can go a long way.

A Second Interlude

A Second Interlude

❦ Now I would love to hear from you...what are you giving today...and to whom?

               Please share your experience in the comments section below - thank you!

An Interlude - ❦ Re-gifting the gift of giving

An Interlude

You have now read about 10 days of giving and perhaps you have been inspired to consider the gifts you have and the people who would be positively impacted by you sharing your gifts. I have been receiving these posts along with the rest of you, am reading them, contemplating them and have found myself thinking about giving most of the time, so much so, that I have started another 100 day cycle. I will be honest, that I started the second cycle without even noticing that I started: yesterday I found myself writing down the gifts that I had given, then one from the day before, and the day before, and then the day before and realized that I started another giving cycle 5 days ago! And, I am already feeling the benefits that became part of my being during the first exercise I am feeling lighter, more focused, more satisfied and already, I had a person who was very involved in my life many years ago call me out of the blue to tell me what a gift I had been to her and how much I had impacted her life. Now these kind of feelings and interactions were happening on a regular basis during the first 100 days of giving and I had not noticed their impact on me until the phone rang last weekend. Who would have thought that being open to giving would have such a dramatic and surprisingly wonderful impact...oh that’s right...that was one of my lessons the first time around - it feels like a gift all over again! Today is about being aware of

❦ Re-gifting the gift of giving.

Day 10 - ❦ Give unexpectedly

Day 10

The Gift(s): A Staples Gift Card to my daughter and money to get into a dance to our nephew and daughter.

My husband and I were at the grocery store today and I commented to him that since I started this giving exercise, it seemed like people were being nicer to me. He laughed because he was getting ready to ask my why I thought everyone we passed was smiling at me and saying hello. He had noticed a distinct change in my relationship with others and in return theirs with me. Not that I was not a nice person before this exercise began, quite the contrary, I usually smile and wave at people I know and oftentimes at people I don’t know. I routinely have courteous interactions every day with many people. But this day was different and it has continued. I can only describe it as a quality of interaction. A deeper, more meaningful, caring interaction.  The same people saying hello with a deeper acknowledgment, smiling a little longer, making an extra effort to have eye contact when it would have been easier to look down or away. Pretty cool, totally unexpected.


The giving opportunities today revealed themselves easily, and in fact, they were too easy, so I had to second guess them and questions whether or not they were “real” giving opportunities.

• Does giving to my children count as a real giving opportunity?
• Does paying for my children and relatives to participate in an activity count as a giving
               opportunity?

Yes, and yes,  In both instances, the gift was unexpected, unasked for and given without strings - a selfless act for all participants in the transaction. My daughter had already decided that she needed to purchase something at Staples and was planning to spend her own money. It just so happened that I had the gift card sitting in my wallet from a returned item, it just seemed like the right thing to do at the right time.

The dance posed a little different dilemma, I wanted our oldest daughter Alison to take our nephew Les to the dance. An ulterior motive was established. Les was a fourteen year old teenager at the time who liked to experience anything and everything when he comes to visit (and he still does, right now he is in Cambodia with the Peace Corps). He is great to have around because he will go anywhere with us - to the grocery store, to recycle, to the parade, just everywhere. As a result of this it is easy to overlook things that he might really want to do because he does not assert himself or his desires - he is just content to do whatever is happening. Now I know he really likes music, dancing and singing so I wanted him to go to the street dance on Friday night. I also knew that I did not want to go to the dance. Alison willingly said she would take him and as they were walking away to leave for the dance, I handed her twenty dollars to pay for the entry. I know they both would have paid themselves and that they both had money in their pockets, but I wanted to be their sponsor.

So does that count as a giving opportunity? I think so - the criteria that I am using is:

• Was it given willingly?
• Was it expected by the other party?
• Did it feel good to give and to receive? 
• The answer to all of these was yes, no, yes - so yes - it counts.

❦ Give unexpectedly.

Day 9 - ❦ Seize the moment

Day 9

The Gift(s): Homemade Chai tea to office; assorted shampoo and soap to SEMCAC for homeless people; a wonderful lunch for a friend; a cash donation to the Austin Public Library.

Today the giving opportunities just kept revealing themselves and by the end of the day I was laughing because I had struggled to think of giving opportunities earlier in the day. So many giving lessons today.

As I left for work in the morning I settled on bringing some delicious homemade Chai tea with me to share with my co-workers. Now this may seem like a small gesture, but it is something I very rarely do despite the fact that I love to cook, am a good cook, and often have great left-overs. It is a part of me that I have held close to myself at work, not wanting to mix one of my great stress relievers with work. Actually, while the people I work with are all very nice, their taste buds are at opposite ends of my cooking spectrum and most of what I cook painfully  challenges their idea of food. I thought it would be fun to give them something that was really really good. I set the tea on the common table with a sign that said, “homemade Chai tea - enjoy” - and they did. To my delight those who were willing to try it liked it. Giving opportunity checked off.

When I got home the cleaning spirit hit me and I went after a closet with gusto. As I tossed and sorted I realized that I had a huge stash of assorted soaps and shampoos that I have collected on my travels. I make it a habit when I stay in a hotel to take the toiletry supplies daily and bring them home. Having paid for them in my room fee, I like to collect them and donate them to the homeless shelter at the end of the year. You would be surprised at how quickly you can accumulate a big bag full and the supplies are much needed at homeless shelters. When I finished cleaning I had a shopping bag full of soaps and took it right away to the homeless shelter - who gratefully accepted it and began distributing the supplies that day.

Normally, I would not include a lunch of left-overs as a giving opportunity, but this one was so much fun that I just needed to include it here. The night before, I hosted my Girl’s Group which is a glorified book club with the motto - “We Read To Eat”. There is much debate about which comes first, the title of the book or the choice of menus. We pick a book to read based on the food that thematically fits the story and we all love to cook. Books like “Lobster Chronicles” (lobster and New England seafood menu), “Under the Tuscan Sun” (traditional Italian menu), and “Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons” (Minnesota hot dish and chocolate menu) have all been hits. Often we never even get around to discussing the book but always enjoy the meal. Last night we read “The Life of Pi” and enjoyed a fourteen dish taste of India. Yummmm, yummmm. I had Malabar coconut shrimp, Balti butter chicken, dahl, raita, spicy tomato and spinach, jasmine rice pudding,  and mint and cilantro chutney just sitting in my fridge.

I was working in my office in my home when a friend stopped by to drop an envelop off. As we were talking, he commented that his wife (a member of my Girl’s Group) had shared the menu with him when she got home last night and he was salivated just thinking about the food that we must have enjoyed. I invited him to enjoy it for himself and starting pulling leftovers out of the fridge, before he knew it all fourteen dishes were warmed and ready to eat. Unlike my co-workers, this friend always, and I mean always, eats whatever I cook with absolute appreciation. We sat for hours and ate and talked and delighted in this giving opportunity. Since this was my first day of scaled back work hours, I could take the time to sit for hours and was grateful for that.

My final giving opportunity of the day was entirely unintentional although it required my direction. In preparation for my trip to Togo, I had borrowed “Easy to Learn French” tapes from the Austin Public Library. Before I left, I returned all of my pre-trip planning materials and left for Africa unencumbered. When I returned I was not happy to see a late notice waiting for me in the mail for the tapes I had returned. After weeks of trying to correct this with the library staff I got a final invoice requesting payment for the missing item. It sat in my bills to be paid basket for weeks while I checked out materials on my husband’s card since I was “delinquent”. In a final burst of desperation, I wrote a check to the library and sent it with my late notice with a letter stating again that I had already returned the item but wanted to clear my account.

You can imagine my surprise when I received a call from the Library staff that evening telling me that when they got my letter with the notice they looked one more time on the shelves for the tapes and they were there. They removed all of my fines and re-issued me a new library card. Then she asked me what she should do with my check. Since I had already deducted it from my check register and had written off the money, it just felt so much better to turn the negative energy associated with a fine into a positive giving experience and I told her to consider it a donation. Whew - that felt great!

❦ Seize the moment that strikes you to give.

Day 8 - ❦ One simple gift can warm many hearts

Day 8

The Gift: A videotape of Nina’s farewell to the Austin Rotary Club given to her second  host family.

Several days earlier, I had picked up a videotape I had made from a video camera cassette of our exchange student’s farewell talk at our Rotary Club. Each year our Rotary Club hosts a foreign exchange student who typically has three different host families throughout the year. The multiple family concept allows students to participate in different family traditions and customs. I had the tapes sitting on my kitchen counter when one of the host mothers stopped by my house. This was an easy give to simply hand the tape to her. I was so glad to have had it ready and available for the perfect giving opportunity. Her appreciation for the tape warmed my heart and I know that this gift will continue to warm others’ hearts as they watch the tape over and over.

❦ One simple gift can warm many hearts

Day 7❦ Stay focused on my goal.

Day 7

The Gift: A spatula set

Today tested me and required me to look at my non-existent rules again. As the end of the day neared and I put my attention to the fact that it was eleven thirty at night and I had not availed myself of any giving opportunities I knew I had to get busy. But what? I know - my husband had mentioned several days ago that if I wanted to get him a gift in the near future, I might want to consider a spatula set. Our current set had seen better days before running through the garbage disposal and being exposed to the heat of the gas flames. I ran to get my keys and as I was driving into the parking lot (where apparently I also have sudden bursts of thought) several questions popped into my mind:

• Does it count if I get someone something they have asked for?
• Does it count if I buy something for a family member?
• Does a late night run to the store to salvage a giving opportunity count?

I love taking advantage of giving people something that they have asked for. As a strong advocate of encouraging people to ask for what they want I love giving positive consequences for those who do just that. So, I was able to dispatch my concern about giving someone something that they have requested, in fact, I think it would be fun to encourage that behavior and will need to incorporate that concept into my giving plans.

Now for another question, the concern about giving something to a family member might pose a more difficult question. My husband and I have been together for thirty years and have always practiced the act of giving to each other as the opportunity arose. That practice had taken a lot of pressure off of the expectations that grow around some of the more traditional giving holidays like Christmas and Mother’s Day. When we give to each other on a routine basis as the opportunity reveals itself and make it happen, we do not have a long list of pent up desires and thus no inflated expectations about what we might get. That does not mean we don’t get into the surprise aspect of giving - and really work hard to find times to add that extra surprise in giving, we just stay away from giving simply because “society” or advertisers tell us we should give. So I decided that giving to family and my husband will count in my daily giving exercise - I just need to not rely on giving to him at eleven-thirty at night to get me off the hook.

The eleven-thirty store run brought up a significant gray area that would be too easy to slide into so I realize that a guideline needs to be drawn -

GUIDELINE # 3 - A giving day begins at one minute after midnight and runs through mid-night. Once a day is done a new giving day begins.

While I would like to think that I will not be making many more runs to the store at eleven-thirty at night just to satisfy my daily giving requirement - I knew that I would much rather do that than miss a day. Missing a day is simply not an option, that would defeat the entire purpose of the Simple Gifts exercise. I can already think of so many excuses about why I couldn’t, or why I didn’t - so my resolve is to remain focused. This is actually one of the core issues related to why I need to do this exercise - I need to make the choice about staying focused on giving to keep me from falling back into that dark place.

❦ Choosing to stay focused on my giving goal will keep my mind from wandering away from my purpose.

Day 6 ❦ Everyday occurrences may be a gift

Day 6

The Gift: A twenty ounce, four shot latte.

Several months earlier, I had returned home from my second trip to Africa and I look forward to all opportunities to talk to people who have either been there or are from the continent. I am really intrigued by the different cultures and plagued by many questions about some of the common features I have noticed that seem to transect the individual countries I have visited. While shopping at a local office supply store several days ago I noticed that the clerk had a distinctive accent. I remarked that his accent sounded like he was not originally from Austin and was interested in where he was from and he replied, “I belong to Kenya”. I explained to him that I had recently visited Ghana, Togo, and Benin and we struck up a conversation that spilled over to another meeting.

We met at a coffee shop and I bought a latte for him and we had a long conversation about our observed differences in the coffee between here and Africa. I think he liked the coffee and we enjoyed a lively and rich conversation. It was the best deal for entertainment I've had in a long time and I was so appreciative that he let me buy the coffee - while I was in Africa it was almost impossible for me to buy anything for myself, people were so giving, it was nice to share that experience on this side of the world.

❦ Everyday occurrences may be a gift if treated as such.